


she's so high (high above me)

by swishandflickwit



Series: The Devil's Lucky Number [23]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Deckerstar - Freeform, F/M, Panic Attacks, bit of angst, but not really, deckerstar fanfiction, do i care?, do i overuse this metaphor?, not at the moment no lmao, post-reveal, yes i do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-02
Packaged: 2020-02-16 03:08:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18682903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swishandflickwit/pseuds/swishandflickwit
Summary: When the lights go out, he remembers theFall.In which Lucifer has a panic attack triggered by a blackout.





	she's so high (high above me)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the Tal Bachman song [She's So High](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ElORM9O-0U) for no real reason to do with Deckerstar or this fic. I just like the song. It was stuck in my head all day. But that particular line works, I think.

When the lights go out, he remembers the _Fall._

He recalls the final blow that tipped him over the precipice of the only home he had ever known, the flames that engulfed him as he plummeted. He’d burned through it all, but it'd been far preferable to the tenebrous void that followed.

For what better punishment for the _Morningstar_ than to deprive him of the very lambency that fueled him?

He remembers the Fall, yes—but it seemed trivial compared to the darkness that would rob him of divine resplendence for eons to come, till his defiance became a noose that tightened with every celestial second more he spent in Hell.

And though the light of Earth held not a candle to that of Heaven, it was a vast improvement to the crepuscule of the Underworld.

But Its infernal tendrils followed him to the land of the living—nipping arrogantly at his heels and waiting for a sign of weakness. Bidding Its time when dusk descended and It coalesced behind the brightest of lanterns up in his penthouse. And still with his stars standing guard above him, he remained fearful. That was, until _her_ —

The detective.

For even with the vulnerability she incited with him, he felt ever untouchable so long as they were together.

Or so he thought.

“I can’t,” he splutters, clutching at his chest. “I can’t— _breathe—_ ”

He doesn’t realize he’s on the floor till she’s looming over him, her worried but determined expression going in and out of focus in a reversed facsimile of the time they’d apprehended that miserly, murderous cretin Jimmy Barnes.

And so It has come for him.

He’s ready, he tells himself, blackness encroaching upon the fringes of his vision as he lays paralyzed on the filthy warehouse linoleum, his heart beating a clumsy _prestissimo_ against his chest. He feels faint, and fools himself into thinking it’s the causatum of him _choosing_ to give into the Darkness.

When she brushes a damp curl from his forehead and whispers, “I won’t let it,” he becomes cognizant to his frenzied chanting of, _“It’s come to take me.”_

Though she appears out of reach instead of the scant few centimeters she truly is, he identifies his name on her lips. He could be underwater, but he would unfailingly recognize the shape of her mouth as it forms around the letters and syllables that make up his appellation.

“Look at me,” she slaps lightly at his face and while he feels numb with the tranquil allure of dusk—so much that he wonders why he had ever been so afraid—he makes an effort to see her.

(Though, was it much of an effort if he felt willingly compelled by her gravity at all times?)

“You’re having a panic attack,” she informs him.

 _The Devil doesn’t_ get _panic attacks,_ he wants to defend. _It’s the Darkness, come to drag me to my damnation._

“Am… I?” he jests instead, and it summons that lovely smile he’d been aiming for, anything to dispel the unfounded concern that clouds her gaze.

“I need you to take deep breaths, okay?” she demonstrates. “Here, do it with me.”

It says a lot that he bows to her commands in lieu of the plethora of euphemisms he wants to jibe at that particular phrasing.

Awareness returns to him gradually—thoughts of his demise receding just as his heart stabilizes its ratcheting.

“Y’sure… it wasn’t just… the tacos I had… for lunch?” he slurs, juddering fingers flush against the borders of her smile as he aches for something _real_ after the blur of the last few… seconds? Minutes? _Hours?_

“Pretty sure, yeah,” she teases but it falls flat at her watery inflections.

He’s not entirely convinced that for the brief period the blackout occurred, he hadn’t surrendered to the Darkness. Surely he’d sense his permanent extinguishment? Then again, he hopes It need never discover just how much light _she_ brought to the _Lightbringer._

Entrenched amidst the gloaming, Chloe shines.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in a better place today than I was yesterday. I think. I feel like this still has the same tone as [chasing cars](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18671950) but I'll let ya'll be the judge of that.
> 
> Wow guys... we're nearly there! As always, thank you for every review, kudos and bookmark. I see them all and I appreciate them all and I'm so grateful!
> 
> I'm actually thinking of participating in the very first [Deckerstar Big Bang](https://deckerstar-bigbang.tumblr.com/) but like, I don't know what to write! I'm not so good with plot, I'm more on character-driven stories. But if you guys have any prompts or ideas, let me know here or on my [tumblr](https://swishandflickwit.tumblr.com/) :)
> 
> See you guys in the next one!


End file.
